Autor: Doctor Parrot

SKYLINE REPORTS comedy magazine

25 octombrie 201725 octombrie 2017 Doctor Parrot

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DADA: SKYLINE REPORTS

Să ne cutremurăm cu Moise Guran

Originally posted on TURMY HEBDO:
Dom’le, eram ocupată până peste cap cu treburile casei, că venea scorpia, adică mama soacră, in vizită și nimic nu-i place. Am luat de la magazinul din colț un curcan congelat și mă pregăteam să-l gătesc, că scorpia e moartă după curcani… că d’aia a fost măritată numa’ cu polițiști,…

Morning sunset

A sad tree had a shaggy elephant who liked to smoke seaweed every morning. The tree often told it to quiet smoking as the carbon dioxide concentration of the atmosphere increased, but the elephant did not hear it because it was deaf due to an atomic bomb exploding right next to its left ear during […]

First blog post

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

JOKES: SKYLINE REPORTS

Maintenance

See you soon !

A great diet

Two women are talking: “You have lost many pounds, dear ! Have you a new diet ?” “Yes. Vegetables… potatoes, carrots, beets…” “Do you boil or roast on them ?” “No, I dig them”

Fire at the hotel

A fire broke out in the hotel. Everybody went out on the hall shouting: “Water ! Water ! Water ! Urgent !” In this time a drunked Russian comes out of a room and says: “And at room 30 a double vodka, please !”

What you have to do to stop being alone

Are you alone ? Are you bored ? Doesn’t anyone call you ? Borrow some money from someone !

What diplomacy means

“Dicky, what does it mean to be a diplomat ?” “It means you think a lot before you say nothing.”

A little desire

A cannibal is on an airplane. The stewardess comes to him and asks: “What do you want, Sir ?” “I only have a little desire. Can you give me the passenger list ?” the cannibal said.

A strange disease

A guy with a green frog on his head comes to the docor. “What’s the trouble ?” asks the doctor. “I don’t know” said the frog. “Somethig came up on my ass…”

A bad dog

A tourist arrives at a sheepfold where he sees a shepherd with his dog near him. “Listen, Mr. Shepherd, is your dog bad ?” the tourist asked. “Yes, it is.” “Does it bite ?” “Yes, it does.” “But I see it doesn’t bark !” said curiously the tourist. Then the dog told the tourist: “If […]

I Have Forgotten

Originally posted on WORLDLY LIFE:
? In a train there was a well-known writer. When the inspector came for the tickets, the writer could not find his ticket. “O.K.”, said the inspector. “I shall come in an hour.” But when he came, the writer could not find his ticket again. “All right”, said the inspctor,…

What waiters want

“What is your greatest whis ?” a reporter asks a waiter at an interview. “Customers to eat at home, and the tip to send it to us by post”, the waiter says.

NEWS: SKYLINE REPORTS

Mike Pence saves the world

Do you think Mike Pence is dunderhead ? You always think of him involved in sex scandals like Hollywood, but with sheep – like Don Quixote ? Finish ! What would you do without him if… 1. Aliens land on a cornfield in Ohio and ask the natives to connect them with the most powerful man […]

The Creation of the World – Trump’s vision

1. On the first day God created the sky and the Earth. For administrative reasons he created the whole Earth in one place to be able to master it better and depends on only the Republicans, which he knew better. The land was empty and not leased. It was full of weeds because people were at […]

Sean Hannity – Billionaire after he discovered oil in the gunk underneath his fingernails

No one expected that when Sean Hannity, the famous Fox News journalist, was in a mad acces and he tried to cut his fingernails. His wife looked at him indifferently believing that it was still a new thing that her conservative husband wanted to try. But as soon as the blade touched the ground beneath […]

Top 3 Communist Superheroes

If you think superheroes comics are a capitalist invention, you deceive yourself. Long before the Spider Man, Batman and Fantastic Woman, the communist countries had their own heroes of class struggle fulfilling the Five-Year Plan in two hours, were immune to electrical power, regulary defetead the Captain Bourgeois and saved the planet from imperialism. 1. Captain […]

Congress – Terrorized by a bear descending from the mountains and proposing bad laws

Revelations of Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, who confessed today that most of the draft laws aren’t of the Republicans, but those are the work of a mad bear that periodically descends from the mountains, breaks the Congress door and make nonsense through the House. “Me and my collegues in Congress […]

An American has completely moved to the virtual currency: in his wallet he has only imaginary money

The mirage of crypto-coins has irremediably attracted the American Bruce Lewis from Ohio. After a few skilful maneuvers he managed to move totally into virtual money, account and wallet. After a contradictory discussion with his boss, Bruce now receives his salary in the virtual currency and his boss tells him from time to time how […]

Trump’s secret reviews: How to succeed in politics

No one asks you to be a successful politician. It’s really a bad idea to be successful because after that you are in the spotlight and you can have many unpleasant actions before you can enjoy a cheap meal at the White House. However, if you want to be in the show, here’s how you […]

A day in Kim Jong-un ‘s life

7.00 – A Kim Jong-un’s personal assistant turns him from one side to the other to not numb his hand. Being a tinker, he remains stuck with his hand under the dictator and has to cut it to be not there when Kim Jong wakes up. He cuts his hand slowly without a noise with a […]

Michael Moore’s secret reviews: the robots

A friend told me the robots would replace us in the future. Allow me to disagree with this. How can a robot do what I do ? Can a robot live in a bear fur for three years in the Rocky Mountains to look like he does not need society but society needs him ? […]

Innovation: Ford wants to manufacture the car that runs alone and goes where it wants

A project of Ford factory in Michigan can revolutionize the automotive industry. Dearborn bosses are working on the prototype of a car that runs alone and goes where it wants. “For this car, not only the driver is useless, but the passenger. You don’t need to tell it where to go. It knows very well […]

STORIES: SKYLINE REPORTS

Civic guard

Every time I hear about an iminent war I remember with respect and pride from the time when I was one of the brave defenders of Independece. At the time of the last Oriental conflagration I served in the civic guard – Intelligent Bayonet – in the company of the Armenian slum. Heroic times ! […]

Indecipherable writing

We often receive letters that make us an analog effect with the unpredicted encounter with the ancient sphinx. There are people who have ugly habit or caprice to sign in such a way that no one than them can read the signature. We recommend these people the following historical anecdote that should be dedicated to […]